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Archive for April, 2010

photos

my photography site.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lilacphantoms/

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DIY Fest.

I spent my day at the Binghamton DIY fest in direct action training.

The instructor Tom, teaches an Intro to Anarchy class. Check it out.

I’ll write about my personal experience when I find the time.

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Found on a bathroom wall.

You’ve taken over my mind. You’ve raped my thoughts with your image viruses then sold me fake cures for your own disease. Your words and pictures scream orders at me like angry prison wardens. When I cover my ears, your voices echo in my head. I hate you. When I see your billboards, your talk shows, your rock concerts and your factories, when I see the work of your twisted libidos, I want to kill you. I want to set fires, plant bombs, derail trains. I want to smash your buildings and tear at your bodies until the skin of my hands is worn to the bone. I am filled with a rage that burns my eyes.

I don’t want to feel this way. You have done this to me. These feelings are the fruits of your multi-billion dollar sowing. And I am not alone. There are others like me out here. Every suicide, every madman, every man and woman who gets a gun and just starts shooting — these are your illegitimate children. They don’t all know what they are doing. All they know is hate for the invisible walls which you have raised around them, hate for the narrow path you have tried to make them walk. And the innocent pay in blood for your negligence.

Remember this: My mind is big. The more you try to push me down and make me small, the greater the pressure inside me becomes. The greater the pressure, the greater the chance of an explosion. There was once a time when I felt love, but now I feel only hate and anger, and fear at what I might do. And you can tell me to “BE HAPPY,” but I know that you really mean “BE QUIET”.

Believe me, I want to be happy. You stand in my way.

from here

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sunshine

I haven’t been writing because it’s just too lovely out. Since the last post I have acquired two pet frogs (Daniel and Eli) and built a terrarium of moss and lichen. I’ll be researching more about gardening in small areas and may be doing more of the terrarium sort of thing.

Enjoy the sunny days!

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Pain

I’ve been going through a lot of pain lately. I fear that I’m not enough. Not happy enough, not working enough, not smart enough, etc. I have been shoving my feelings down inside myself for so long I feel people don’t know what I truly care about. I have lost friends, many of friends. And there are some I wish were still in my life, because I feel we would have a better relationship than we did back then. I could beg, scream and cry and still not get an answer from them. I’m afraid I went so long without taking anything seriously, and not its to late to be treated as someone who gives a shit.
Basically: I am upset
I hate that this world is such a shit hole
I hate that people don’t believe me when I say I would do anything if I knew it would make a difference?
I am working so hard to find out what I can do. I imagine it will be dangerous, and extreme but when the time comes I will be ready.
I just hope to hell I wont be alone.

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